autism,a blessing and a curse.

 i am now 40,and the terrifying though occurred to me.for one,i am almost totally alone.beyond my mother and father,there are few people who care to even get to know me.my parents health is failing,and my mom keeps this i wished i had known,and i would have done different ,thing.i always come to tears.not because i wanted anything different,but because of the way she tells my story.i have never considered myself any different.i just could not make friends.that`s not unusual.i have trouble with some people who would get mad and threaten me because i would not talk,problem is i usually do not talk to people i do not know.i am a high functioning autistic,considered by the physiological community to be very intelligent.i learned how to use a computer and the internet without any help.i can repair electronics,some say i am a wiz and fixing things.i planted a flower garden when my mom heath began to fail.everyone say to her it is beautiful.i tried to get jobs,but,somehow,i never clicked.but,i have worked.mainly with people who do small repair,or for one summer,demolition.i have a knack for it.and i worked landscaping.i always gave my mom all my money and told her she could have it.i never knew what to get .and i hate stores,to crowded,to loud,and to bright.i have always had some thing to do.that is,till i had an accident and messed my back up.then for a while,i had have bed rest after my back surgery.i tried working to get money again...only to injure my back and need surgery.so......i have done all that is asked,but ,i am worried...i do not know if i could live through my mother or father dying.they have both been close to death...and while they were away,all i did was keep from breaking completely down.no one came to see me,no one called.this is what i feared,alone,quiet.you think someone with autism would love that,but no.my parents life is music.as long as hear it,i am fine.but when it stops,i can not function.and i am scared .will them dying  mean soon after i will die?